i now understand how kobe cattle feel

bangkok marriott resort & spa

since i'm officially a bangkok resident, there aren't many opportunities to stay in hotels. well, that, and i don't have enough money to hotel hop. a friend recently came to visit and invited me to come join her vacation-o-luxury. i just have to say:
I LOVE THE BANGKOK MARRIOTT RESORT & SPA

i've visited (but not stayed at) other top hotels in bangkok, of which the best are along the chao praya river, but this one, in my opinion is the one i recommend to anyone looking to be treated like royalty. turn down service, broadband internet, fresh fruit, featherbeds, robes and slippers add those nice touches to your stay in the room, but it's the hotel grounds that keep you from wanting to ever leave again.

i believe i've figured out the technique to transform my body into lazy, tender kobe meat:

step 1: consume large amounts of delicious, decadent food.
the three i tried were the following (in order of enjoyment):
trader vic's in the US is mediocre, unfortunately, skewing my expectations to be low. however, despite the second-rate name, is a fantastic pacific rim fusion restaurant. everything we ordered was matched beautifully, blending flavors well and using the most quality ingredients. if i didn't feel bad for my friend who was paying, i would have ordered the wagyu. highlights: tuna sesame encrusted diakon radish with wasabi mayo topped by caviar; avacado gazpacho with green apple and watercress; lamb yakitori with eggplant and mushrooms, sided by a rich pumpkin puree (900B); and crispy red duck and foie gras, with bok choy and apple taro cake (800B). you're drooling, aren't you? trust me, if your wallet's thick, you want to eat here.

riverside terrace which was an outdoor buffet on the patio overlooking the chao phraya river. lots of goodies including teppanyaki, crepes, mongolian bbq, italian pastas and pizza to order, grill, indian, oyster/shellfish bar, and an extensive dessert spread. thai boxing and traditional thai performance (dancing/acting) throughout the evening. priced at 1100B/person + 10% service, buffet dinner 6-10:30

numero uno cafe is a nice little chocolate shop and deli/bakery with an alluring display of pastries and sweets. a la carte menu with pastries, deli sandwiches and lunch fare, fondues, and chocolates. roughly 160-510B for breakfast, lunch or dinner. i got to try both their chocolate afternoon tea buffet as well as their after-dinner cheese/chocolate and cognac buffet (both 500B). have i ever told you i have problems with self-control? though they're meant to be post-meal treats, they became my meals. beware, my brothers and sisters with poor self-control, these are small, but very calorific buffets. cherry chocolate cake. nice presentation, eh?

in addition to these restaurants, they also have these spots that i didn't try:
benihana - japanese grill, teppanyaki okonomi (370-4900B). a little grill show as your meal's cooked.
the market - breakfast buffet. a la carte 95-510B. lunch/dinner 699 buffet. noodles, sushi, etc. 170-980
rice mill - chinese, dim sum 180-3000B

and for bars:
elephant bar - tapas, fusion bar food 175-295B
longtail bar - riverside, live music "kim" 170-980B bbq grill food - light fare
loy nam - pool bar, snacks and salads 180-300B

step 2: get a massage.
nothing says "pampered" like a great massage. the mandara spa (also available in room or poolside) offers steams 950, wraps 3-4k, scrubs 2-3k, massages 2250-5520, poultices 3200, facials 2700-5520, baths 950, steams 950, men's stuff 4k-9500. i got a deep tissue massage

step 3: be sedentary and expend as little physical energy as possible.
though the marriott resort has a fitness center with tennis and fitness classes, you should avoid them if you hope to keep your body marbled with fat. the thai cooking classes may be ok, though, if you maintain a very slow pace and try not to move too much while cooking. the pool is the perfect place to work on your golden tan while using little-to-no energy.

but if you decide to veer off the course of kobe cultivation, this place also has:
- manohra cruise - old rice barges converted into personal cruise ships. dinners or overnight cruise to ayutthaya.
- it's own malls and shopping.
- the hotel grounds are also beautiful decorated with lush tropical gardens.

bangkok marriott resort & spa. 257 charoen nakhon @ krungthep bridge. 02-476-0021
room rates between 5,400B-42,000B (if you're a guest, you receive coupons to all the restaurants)
webby: http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/bkkth-bangkok-marriott-resort-and-spa/