get up; kill and eat

china house @ the mandarin oriental

in the biblical account of the acts of the apostles...

peter went up on the roof to pray. he became hungry and wanted something to eat, and while the meal was being prepared, he fell into a trance. he saw heaven opened and something like a large sheet being let down to earth by its four corners. it contained all kinds of four-footed animals, as well as reptiles of the earth and birds of the air.
then a voice told him, "get up, peter. kill and eat."

i'm pretty sure that sheet was filled with chinese dim sum.

for my birthday, a good friend treated me to china house's sunday brunch (~1000B/p), which has become my favorite dining experience at the mandarin oriental. forget the usual loud, stock-trading ambience flagging down greasy-smocked ladies pushing stacks of little delights (dim sum literally translates to "touch the heart") and actually enjoy the mod sophistication of shameless red and black contemporary chinese design in private nooks.
starters were beautifully spread in the center atrium, including all the traditional chinese banquet accoutrements (drunken chicken, shark fin soup, cold jellyfish, roast suckling pig, peking duck, etc.) which are continually available. dim sum plates are ordered from their menu, which were introduced to us as "eat what you can." their shanghai and shrimp dumplings were fantastic, as were braised pork belly in XO sauce, wasabi crispy shrimp, salt & pepper fried squid, impossibly soft steamed snow fish, wok-seared (sounds better than stir-fried, huh?) black pepper beef and so much more.

top off what little space you have left with fruits, traditional or fusion desserts and then sit on your (now) plump, pork buns and try to have conversation about something other than how good the food is.

i have to especially acclaim their service. the staff were incredibly adroit and mirthful and i've never felt so comfortably served. also, this place is family-friendly - there's a magician that comes around at 12 to visit the kiddies.

china house @ the mandarin oriental hotel
hours: sunday brunch 11:30-2:30, dinner daily 7-10:30
for reservations, phone 02-669 9000 x7650-1 or email mobkk-restaurants@mohg.com
webby: http://www.mandarinoriental.com/bangkok/dining/restaurants/china_house/

dining with mr. colonialism

mandarin oriental

one gets the distinct feeling of crossing into another time when entering the mandarin oriental...classy, ornate, luxurious colonialism. what gives you that cozy imperial feel at the mandarin oriental? aside from ac, the main areas of the hotel remain cloaked in british colonial decor, the thai staff in 19th century waitstaff garb, a string quartet serenades lobby loungers with classical chamber music.

overall, i'd have to say my opinion of the mandarin oriental is mixed (though, i do need to qualify that because i have yet to stay as a hotel guest). the property is beautiful and enchanting, quality superb, but i never felt terribly comfortable any of the times i've dined at the mandarin oriental because service has been slightly spotty, and - maybe i'm crazy - but, you get the feeling of being watched and evaluated.

no one will dispute that cuisine at the mandarin oriental is delicious and a sensually wonderful experience. so, here are my 3 dining ratings in order of preference.

1. barbecue terrace. situated on the outdoor patio adjacent to the chao phraya river, the balmy, lamplit dinner buffet is unlike most buffet incarnations. though extensive in its own right, this buffet is about quality, not quantity. duck liver mousse, rack of lamb, sirloin steak, inventive herbed salads, grilled horseshoe crabs, i couldn't stop saying "wow! this is amazing." this is the first buffet ever where i've taken my time. each dish is able to stand on its own. i still dream about it and my mouth is totally watering as i write this. service at the buffet is also exemplary; attentive while not overbearing, the waitstaff kept our table clean and deftly anticipated our beverage and flatware needs (honestly, it was like over 12 pieces of silverware). yeah, that's why it's 2,200B. as god as my witness, i will satiate my hunger there again! (sorry, i didn't take pictures, it felt too plebeian)

2. high tea in the author's lounge. sunned and couched in wicker and rattan british garden furniture, sepia pictures of the royal family line the walls over shelves of literature by joseph conrad and other authors who have stayed at the mandarin oriental, high tea is a unique affair that's worth a try (if you're into dainty teas). one set (1050B) including a pot of tea, finger sandwiches and pastries is good for 2 people for a light lunch. the plain scone was fantastic as was the white jasmine and the signature oriental blend teas. definitely do not get the thai tea set - you can get the same ordinary thai desserts anywhere else for a tenth of the price. no reservations. my two beefs with the afternoon tea are 1. pricey for a standard tea and 2. service was on the snootier side (we actually complained to the management).3. verandah. also situated on the outdoor patio over the chao phraya river, this is the "affordable" elegant dining option. entrees ranging from 200-500B, they're respectable dishes hitting both sides of the western and thai spectrum. perhaps the most casual of its restaurants, the verandah is a great place to have your lively, smart conversation. sound service.i do need to also mention that the mandarin oriental has a batch of other restaurants including: le normandie, lord jim's, sala rim naam, the china house, ciao, and bamboo bar and also a spa across the river.

mandarin oriental hotel. 48 oriental ave, off of charoen krung (closest bts at saphan taksin - complimentary boat shuttle at the pier)

*newsflash* i've heard that because of the economic downturn, and along with other hotels, the mandarin oriental is offering special promotions in their restaurants as well, including sunday brunches at select restaurants and such.
webby: mandarinoriental.com/bangkok and a snazzy little brochure

i now understand how kobe cattle feel

bangkok marriott resort & spa

since i'm officially a bangkok resident, there aren't many opportunities to stay in hotels. well, that, and i don't have enough money to hotel hop. a friend recently came to visit and invited me to come join her vacation-o-luxury. i just have to say:
I LOVE THE BANGKOK MARRIOTT RESORT & SPA

i've visited (but not stayed at) other top hotels in bangkok, of which the best are along the chao praya river, but this one, in my opinion is the one i recommend to anyone looking to be treated like royalty. turn down service, broadband internet, fresh fruit, featherbeds, robes and slippers add those nice touches to your stay in the room, but it's the hotel grounds that keep you from wanting to ever leave again.

i believe i've figured out the technique to transform my body into lazy, tender kobe meat:

step 1: consume large amounts of delicious, decadent food.
the three i tried were the following (in order of enjoyment):
trader vic's in the US is mediocre, unfortunately, skewing my expectations to be low. however, despite the second-rate name, is a fantastic pacific rim fusion restaurant. everything we ordered was matched beautifully, blending flavors well and using the most quality ingredients. if i didn't feel bad for my friend who was paying, i would have ordered the wagyu. highlights: tuna sesame encrusted diakon radish with wasabi mayo topped by caviar; avacado gazpacho with green apple and watercress; lamb yakitori with eggplant and mushrooms, sided by a rich pumpkin puree (900B); and crispy red duck and foie gras, with bok choy and apple taro cake (800B). you're drooling, aren't you? trust me, if your wallet's thick, you want to eat here.

riverside terrace which was an outdoor buffet on the patio overlooking the chao phraya river. lots of goodies including teppanyaki, crepes, mongolian bbq, italian pastas and pizza to order, grill, indian, oyster/shellfish bar, and an extensive dessert spread. thai boxing and traditional thai performance (dancing/acting) throughout the evening. priced at 1100B/person + 10% service, buffet dinner 6-10:30

numero uno cafe is a nice little chocolate shop and deli/bakery with an alluring display of pastries and sweets. a la carte menu with pastries, deli sandwiches and lunch fare, fondues, and chocolates. roughly 160-510B for breakfast, lunch or dinner. i got to try both their chocolate afternoon tea buffet as well as their after-dinner cheese/chocolate and cognac buffet (both 500B). have i ever told you i have problems with self-control? though they're meant to be post-meal treats, they became my meals. beware, my brothers and sisters with poor self-control, these are small, but very calorific buffets. cherry chocolate cake. nice presentation, eh?

in addition to these restaurants, they also have these spots that i didn't try:
benihana - japanese grill, teppanyaki okonomi (370-4900B). a little grill show as your meal's cooked.
the market - breakfast buffet. a la carte 95-510B. lunch/dinner 699 buffet. noodles, sushi, etc. 170-980
rice mill - chinese, dim sum 180-3000B

and for bars:
elephant bar - tapas, fusion bar food 175-295B
longtail bar - riverside, live music "kim" 170-980B bbq grill food - light fare
loy nam - pool bar, snacks and salads 180-300B

step 2: get a massage.
nothing says "pampered" like a great massage. the mandara spa (also available in room or poolside) offers steams 950, wraps 3-4k, scrubs 2-3k, massages 2250-5520, poultices 3200, facials 2700-5520, baths 950, steams 950, men's stuff 4k-9500. i got a deep tissue massage

step 3: be sedentary and expend as little physical energy as possible.
though the marriott resort has a fitness center with tennis and fitness classes, you should avoid them if you hope to keep your body marbled with fat. the thai cooking classes may be ok, though, if you maintain a very slow pace and try not to move too much while cooking. the pool is the perfect place to work on your golden tan while using little-to-no energy.

but if you decide to veer off the course of kobe cultivation, this place also has:
- manohra cruise - old rice barges converted into personal cruise ships. dinners or overnight cruise to ayutthaya.
- it's own malls and shopping.
- the hotel grounds are also beautiful decorated with lush tropical gardens.

bangkok marriott resort & spa. 257 charoen nakhon @ krungthep bridge. 02-476-0021
room rates between 5,400B-42,000B (if you're a guest, you receive coupons to all the restaurants)
webby: http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/bkkth-bangkok-marriott-resort-and-spa/

sometimes i like being a lady

witch's tavern

hands down, the best thing about the witch's tavern is their wednesday lady's night. it makes me proud to have two glorious X chromosomes to partake in opportunities like this (i.e. free booze). every wednesday 5pm-9pm, all ladies drink free from a selected menu (chang beer & well drinks). it is oh-so-satisfying to receive your bill at the end of the night with a long list of zeros. i like the look of this place: a distinctly southern, 2-story pale yellow mansion with bar seats, tables, booths, and couches - sit wherever your butt desires. a great bangkok bar/pub with an drool-inspiring expansive menu (tapas to burgers to chinese to thai) but will take a formidable chunk out of your wallet and sadly not that good. judging from the menu, it really seems like their food would be good, but don't expect much.
their spanish tapas (240B) were mundane and bland comprising chorizo, a few olives, garlic mussels, and toast. eddie's burger (290B) was decent: hearty portion, on a good homemade bun, but too salty and over-seasoned and dry. margherita pizza (220B) was just a normal thin-crust cheese pizza with dried basil sprinkled on top. and do not be tempted by the apple&blackberry crumble (170B) which was just warmed-up apple chunks and a couple blackberries mixed with a bland vanilla pudding and handful of semi-sweet crumbs. food = disappointing.

one thing that makes witch's tavern stand out among bangkok bars is its extensive cocktail menu with old faves and new twists. as tasty and as interesting as they sound, i have yet to try such an expensive drinky.

the bar island floats in the middle of the large 2 story room with seating surrounding. not great ambience for having conversations (it's pretty loud), but nice to chill and listen to the jazz band. outdoor seating available (i.e. get your own drink at the bar and drink it outside).

oh and all you bingo-lovers: free bingo on wednesday nights. one round at 11pm, jackpot anywhere between 3000B-15,000B.
happy hour 5-8pm: buy one local beer, get one free.

witch's tavern. thonglor btw soi 8 & 10. hours 11am-1am.
tapas 140-280B, farang mains 240-390B, thai mains 140B, sushi/sashimi 100-350B, desserts 120-180B
beers & cocktails 90-300B.
webby: www.witch-tavern.com

not your average ooooooklahoma

whenever i hear the phrase "dinner theater," a distant memory from a high school school orchestra trip to st. louis resurfaces: a bland dinner on a ferry boat (i.e. you can't get off) while watching a poor production of 'oklahoma!' accompanied by synthesizer. i don't search dinner theaters out.

rest assured, studio 9 patravadi theatre in the old city is nothing like 'oklahoma!' 3 major selling points to studio 9:
1. good thai and thai fusion food. i highly recommend the banana flower salad, the paprika chicken, and the magic chicken (translated from thai, it means "miraculous chicken").
2. thai traditional and contemporary art forms mixed to create original performances. i've seen acrobatic interpretive dance and an interpretation of eve and the serpent using thai dance and puppetry as well. the larger patravadi theatre is a great center for fostering thai performing arts and encouraging new works. i likey. when you come to studio 9, your show is included in the price of your meal.
3. it is super comfortable and hip and overlooking the chao phraya river. in case you happen to hate good food and entertainment, you'll at least enjoy being there. sleek and modern decor.

one waiter totally hit on dave. and when dave gasped when the acrobat made a drop-move, he made a point of coming over and saying, "don't worry, it's only show!"

it's only show!!
studio 9 (patravadi theatre). 69/1 soi wat rakang, arun amarain, siriraj, bangkok (across the chao phraya river).
since it is kind of confusing, there's a little map below.
entrees btw 100-300.
open sun-thur 11am-10pm, fri & sat 11am to midnight. performances fri & sat @ 7:30pm. make a reservation and ask for a table near the river. (02)866 2144

webby: www.patravaditheatre.com

tamarind cafe: all things to all (vegetarian) people - CLOSED

tamarind cafe

UPDATE: WENT BY LAST WEEKEND (8/3/08) AND THE PLACE IS CLOSED AND GUTTED. where did you go?

mixy mixy.
is tamarind a restaurant or gallery? is it casual or hip? is it eastern or western? the answer is yes; all of the above.

tamarind cafe has a definite western aesthetic (california hip) with a hint of eastern flare (i.e. only in the west do we fashion our food into vertical structures - they even have a dish called "tower of babel"). the vegetarian menu is good and definitely a good eat, though on the blander side of vegetarian cuisine. though, perhaps i'm getting too accustomed to the flavor-packed thai palate. the only thing that discourages me from coming more often is that the prices are about as oversized as the seating (again, re: thailand).

here's the skinny:
@ drinkies- mojitos lacked the punch of lime, mint, and rum. the two that ordered the mojitos ordered other drinks after. velvet underground was a mango smoothie with a hint of mint and a tiny beety bitter bite. i loved it (anything that has beets in it definitely gets a try).
@ appetizer: crispy mushroom with spicy sauce. crispy mushrooms lived up to its name. spicy sauce did not. but, still enjoyable. malaysian quesadilla, which is actually more like a stuffed roti was very nice. peanutty, robust, and comforting; flavored just right to lull you to sleep and give you dreams of home (your malaysian home, that is).
@ mains: green falafel sandwich pita was pretty much like any other falafel pita you could get, though a little lighter, though still one of the heartier items on the menu.
@ after-sweets: lemon cheesecake, which was actually lime, was a tiny, tart portion with a thick, crumbly crust but very good. it didn't last long. chocolate cake with ice cream was nice, but nothing spectacular or memorable (did it have ice cream?). tamarind cafe & gallery f-stop, 27 sukhumvit soi 20, closest BTS @ asoke.
appetizers ~ 150B+, entrees ~ 200B+, desserts ~200B, drinks ~100B+
webby: http://www.tamarind-cafe.com/

thai francophiles rejoice!

savoury gastrocafe

any place that has "gastrocafe" in it's name has to be worthy of a check out. (also, any place with really plush seating is worthy of a check out).

savoury gastrocafe is the meeting of many contradictory things: s.e. asia meets france. utilitarian meets frivolity, clean, definite lines meets velvety sofas. and i LIKE it.
it ended up being a nice find since we weren't expecting much in the food court of siam paragon, but this little philippe starck-esque cafe was a perfect place to relax for a few hours while sipping iced drinks . all the food other patrons were eating was a little hard to not stare at. most of their food is less fusion and more separate-but-equal thai and french-esque.
i'm definitely going again. high marks on everything:
- environment - one of the only restaurants i've found that prefers silence over background music, options for seating, mid-bright lighting, waiters are attentive but let you do your thing.
- eats - delish. by biggest beef with fusion food is that it can often just mean blander, but all of the entrees and desserts were rich and delicious. pan-fried baby sea bass with herbed butter was well-seasoned (yeah, i sopped up all the butter. sue me.). duck confit was a fantastic combination of crispy duck served with grilled eggplant, squash and such.
- desserts. oh, the desserts. you could go for just desserts. the almond dacquois was fantastic - very nutty, moist, perfect ratio of pastry-to-cream-to-fresh-fruit. flourless chocolate cake was decadent. crunchy almond meringue with candied almonds layered with a smooth, light custard was divine, though you can't eat it without completely destroying it. the strawberry millefeuille 3 flaky layers of pastry, berries, and cream were light topping a generous lake of strawberry melba sauce.
sweet pea flower lemonade was light and pure and blue until you add the lime juice.
almond dacquois, with fresh fruit and fresh strawberry puree. sweet pea lemonade (which is actually limeade) behind.

savoury gastrocafe: lowest level of siam paragon in siam square. drinks around 100-200B, entrees around 250+B, desserts 100-200B.

i did it myself at greyhound cafe

thai culture seems an antithesis to the DIY (do-it-yourself) culture of the west. why do something when there's always somebody to do the job for you?
greyhound cafe epitomizes the DIY trend and manhattan cool (well, as much as a restaurant in bangkok can be) - which makes great ambience, but not always the most convenient experience. the furniture we were seated at, for example, was a table that was coffee table height while the chairs were taller and loungy so that our knees came up to table level and you're in half-reclining position. not exactly the most convenient arrangement for eating, but i felt cooler.
both entrees we ordered required assembly: dave's "DIY nachos" and my "complicated noodles" (yes, that's really what they're called). the grilled chicken with the nachos was surprisingly tender and generous for the amount of tortilla chips, which makes it feel more like a meal. making DIY nachos inevitably becomes the construction of each individual nacho, which is nice if you're anal or a "perfect bite" kind of person. my "complicated noodles" did live up to their name and actually required a little bit of brain power. how do you combine square sheets of noodle, ground seasoned pork, cilanto/mint sauce, and lettuce? first attempt at rolling all the ingredients in the noodle turned into an acrobatic juicy mess. second attempt at eating components individually didn't make it fun or as tasty. the final engineering solution was placing the flat noodle on my spoon, then piling the rest of the ingredients on top and then shoveling it all in my mouth. i'm still not sure that was right, but it made it taste good and i wasn't covered in juices. i do highly recommend the dish, though. the flavors mix and complement each other really well and the diversity of textures (crunchy, crispy lettuce, spicy ground pork, soft tender noodle) make a great dish.

ooh, drink highlight was the chinese plum sprite float which sounded too interesting not to order. chinese plum frozen into ice cubes thawing in sprite made a refreshing, robust, tart, unique drink. nicely done. and of course, it had to have a little DIY in it, too. the sprite comes in a separate glass pitcher so you can add it yourself.
left-right: complicated noodles, DIY nachos, chinese plum sprite float

international/fusion cuisine. about 200+B/entree (cheaper for the asian dishes), about 100B/drink
located at thonglor soi 15 "j avenue" (additional locations at emporium, chit lom central, siam center, la villa)
and for you web-savvy: http://www.greyhound.co.th/