get up; kill and eat

china house @ the mandarin oriental

in the biblical account of the acts of the apostles...

peter went up on the roof to pray. he became hungry and wanted something to eat, and while the meal was being prepared, he fell into a trance. he saw heaven opened and something like a large sheet being let down to earth by its four corners. it contained all kinds of four-footed animals, as well as reptiles of the earth and birds of the air.
then a voice told him, "get up, peter. kill and eat."

i'm pretty sure that sheet was filled with chinese dim sum.

for my birthday, a good friend treated me to china house's sunday brunch (~1000B/p), which has become my favorite dining experience at the mandarin oriental. forget the usual loud, stock-trading ambience flagging down greasy-smocked ladies pushing stacks of little delights (dim sum literally translates to "touch the heart") and actually enjoy the mod sophistication of shameless red and black contemporary chinese design in private nooks.
starters were beautifully spread in the center atrium, including all the traditional chinese banquet accoutrements (drunken chicken, shark fin soup, cold jellyfish, roast suckling pig, peking duck, etc.) which are continually available. dim sum plates are ordered from their menu, which were introduced to us as "eat what you can." their shanghai and shrimp dumplings were fantastic, as were braised pork belly in XO sauce, wasabi crispy shrimp, salt & pepper fried squid, impossibly soft steamed snow fish, wok-seared (sounds better than stir-fried, huh?) black pepper beef and so much more.

top off what little space you have left with fruits, traditional or fusion desserts and then sit on your (now) plump, pork buns and try to have conversation about something other than how good the food is.

i have to especially acclaim their service. the staff were incredibly adroit and mirthful and i've never felt so comfortably served. also, this place is family-friendly - there's a magician that comes around at 12 to visit the kiddies.

china house @ the mandarin oriental hotel
hours: sunday brunch 11:30-2:30, dinner daily 7-10:30
for reservations, phone 02-669 9000 x7650-1 or email mobkk-restaurants@mohg.com
webby: http://www.mandarinoriental.com/bangkok/dining/restaurants/china_house/

i now understand how kobe cattle feel

bangkok marriott resort & spa

since i'm officially a bangkok resident, there aren't many opportunities to stay in hotels. well, that, and i don't have enough money to hotel hop. a friend recently came to visit and invited me to come join her vacation-o-luxury. i just have to say:
I LOVE THE BANGKOK MARRIOTT RESORT & SPA

i've visited (but not stayed at) other top hotels in bangkok, of which the best are along the chao praya river, but this one, in my opinion is the one i recommend to anyone looking to be treated like royalty. turn down service, broadband internet, fresh fruit, featherbeds, robes and slippers add those nice touches to your stay in the room, but it's the hotel grounds that keep you from wanting to ever leave again.

i believe i've figured out the technique to transform my body into lazy, tender kobe meat:

step 1: consume large amounts of delicious, decadent food.
the three i tried were the following (in order of enjoyment):
trader vic's in the US is mediocre, unfortunately, skewing my expectations to be low. however, despite the second-rate name, is a fantastic pacific rim fusion restaurant. everything we ordered was matched beautifully, blending flavors well and using the most quality ingredients. if i didn't feel bad for my friend who was paying, i would have ordered the wagyu. highlights: tuna sesame encrusted diakon radish with wasabi mayo topped by caviar; avacado gazpacho with green apple and watercress; lamb yakitori with eggplant and mushrooms, sided by a rich pumpkin puree (900B); and crispy red duck and foie gras, with bok choy and apple taro cake (800B). you're drooling, aren't you? trust me, if your wallet's thick, you want to eat here.

riverside terrace which was an outdoor buffet on the patio overlooking the chao phraya river. lots of goodies including teppanyaki, crepes, mongolian bbq, italian pastas and pizza to order, grill, indian, oyster/shellfish bar, and an extensive dessert spread. thai boxing and traditional thai performance (dancing/acting) throughout the evening. priced at 1100B/person + 10% service, buffet dinner 6-10:30

numero uno cafe is a nice little chocolate shop and deli/bakery with an alluring display of pastries and sweets. a la carte menu with pastries, deli sandwiches and lunch fare, fondues, and chocolates. roughly 160-510B for breakfast, lunch or dinner. i got to try both their chocolate afternoon tea buffet as well as their after-dinner cheese/chocolate and cognac buffet (both 500B). have i ever told you i have problems with self-control? though they're meant to be post-meal treats, they became my meals. beware, my brothers and sisters with poor self-control, these are small, but very calorific buffets. cherry chocolate cake. nice presentation, eh?

in addition to these restaurants, they also have these spots that i didn't try:
benihana - japanese grill, teppanyaki okonomi (370-4900B). a little grill show as your meal's cooked.
the market - breakfast buffet. a la carte 95-510B. lunch/dinner 699 buffet. noodles, sushi, etc. 170-980
rice mill - chinese, dim sum 180-3000B

and for bars:
elephant bar - tapas, fusion bar food 175-295B
longtail bar - riverside, live music "kim" 170-980B bbq grill food - light fare
loy nam - pool bar, snacks and salads 180-300B

step 2: get a massage.
nothing says "pampered" like a great massage. the mandara spa (also available in room or poolside) offers steams 950, wraps 3-4k, scrubs 2-3k, massages 2250-5520, poultices 3200, facials 2700-5520, baths 950, steams 950, men's stuff 4k-9500. i got a deep tissue massage

step 3: be sedentary and expend as little physical energy as possible.
though the marriott resort has a fitness center with tennis and fitness classes, you should avoid them if you hope to keep your body marbled with fat. the thai cooking classes may be ok, though, if you maintain a very slow pace and try not to move too much while cooking. the pool is the perfect place to work on your golden tan while using little-to-no energy.

but if you decide to veer off the course of kobe cultivation, this place also has:
- manohra cruise - old rice barges converted into personal cruise ships. dinners or overnight cruise to ayutthaya.
- it's own malls and shopping.
- the hotel grounds are also beautiful decorated with lush tropical gardens.

bangkok marriott resort & spa. 257 charoen nakhon @ krungthep bridge. 02-476-0021
room rates between 5,400B-42,000B (if you're a guest, you receive coupons to all the restaurants)
webby: http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/bkkth-bangkok-marriott-resort-and-spa/

you'd better stretch beforehand

oishi buffet

can you handle the intensity of a 1 hr 45 min buffet? this type of gastronomic challenge requires an iron will, a sharp mind, and lightning agility to sprint your way through mountains of food. i was seriously running.

oishi buffet is the inspiration for all japanese buffet restaurants in bangkok and it's easy to see why. they've got sushi, shashimi, salads (bar and premade), shabu shabu/hot pot, grill & mongolian bbq to order, fish and stir-fries made to order, soups, gyoza, tempura, duck, hand rolls, fruit, shaved ice, frozen yogurt (including green tea!), cakes and pastries. served with a range of beverages including teas, coffees, sodas or for a little extra: beer, other bottled soft drinks. unfortunately for me, i'm chinese, and have the "getting your money's worth" gene, which forces me to try everything and eat as much as possible. i was hurting afterward; though, a good kind of hurt.

the big standout in my opinion is their mongolian bbq grill (made to order) with their korean-seasoned meat and a pretty large spread of sushi rolls. everything else is good, but pretty average. it's just awesome because you get SO MUCH OF IT.

don't get overzealous, though, it's "all you can eat but pay for what you don't" meaning that if you have too much leftover, you're paying for it. mind what time you go, too, since 5-9p is the most expensive rounding out to 499B (and they add on a 17% service and tax charge). the cheapest time is from 2:30-4:30p at 399B.

oishi buffet. thonglor soi 10. (other outlets at phaholyothin soi 19 and siam discovery 2nd floor)
hours 11a-10p. 499B (+17% service/tax) per person. 02-714-8760

webby: http://www.oishigroup.com/brand_oishi_brand_eng.html

how can they profit?

รสเด็ด (rot det)

honestly, how do you make a profit when you charge the equivalent of $3 for all-you-can-eat?
the best part about this place is the gata, which is a coal-fired pan that has a raised grill in the center and a soup moat that holds whatever kind of soup you decide to make that collects all the meat juices that have run off the grill. take a moment to wipe the drool off your face.

this place has "shrimp" in its name so they have pretty large raw prawns, but they go quick, so keep alive. there's also raw beef, pork, seafoods, chicken, various processed meats (like fish cakes & hot dogs) for the grilling. not high quality meat, but very tasty. for brevity, i will only list some of the other non-grill items: grilled whole fish, pre-grilled pepper steak, raw veggies for the soup, pad thai, spring rolls, siu mai, squid salad, som tam, fried crab rangoon, chicken wings, coconut ice cream, fresh fruit, donuts, muffins, sticky rice and mango, shaved ice with thai sweets. oh yeah, 99B gets you all that and you can stay till they close if you like.
note: it's all outdoors. don't expect an 'A' health code rating.rot det shrimp gata (sign is in thai only). nawamin on the corner of soi 155. (also at sukhumvit 71)
99B per person, all you can eat. if you don't finish too much of what you get, you get charged 20B for every extra 0.1kg. don't load up on the questionable meats.
open from 4pm to midnight, you can stay the whole time if you like.

baiyoke tower 2

it's hard to miss the baiyoke 2. it is obviously the tallest building in bangkok at 309 meters tall and is an easy landmark to spot if you're lost.

1 fl - if you're just going up to the observatory, it goes straight up from here. otherwise, head up to the 18th fl.
18th fl - hotel lobby (also where to buy buffet tickets, fruit cafe, coffee shop, gift shop)
77th fl - if you want a *slightly* thrilling ride, head up to the 77th fl for a glass elevator ride down - so very willy wonka.
82nd fl - Crystal Grill (i.e. buffet), 400B a person for dinner (it includes admission up to the observation deck). you can eat any kind of food here, just to name a few: roast lamb, indian braised beef curry, made to order fruit crepes with french vanilla ice cream, tacos, vietnamese shrimp salad, standard thai fare, sushi & nagiri, shishkabobs. as a frugal chinese-american woman, what can i say; it's a great deal. the food isn't the BEST, but it is a great spread and i definitely felt satisfied in quantity and quality as well as a great city view throughout the meal.
83rd fl - Roof top Bar. nice view, not the greatest ambience, but the city does look nice from up there.
84th fl - rotating observation deck that sounds strangely similar to an old metal rollercoaster as it rotates. on the stairs up from the buffet, the mural in the stairwell is of deep space, replete with alien statues for your posing pleasure. 200B just for the deck.

one night view of bangkok from the rotating observatory

on the 76th, 78th, and 79th floors are more buffets (bangkok sky grill - int'l; stella chinese buffet) but unfortunately, i haven't been and can't comment on them.

Baiyoke 2 Tower, located at 222 Ratchaprop Rd, Ratchathewi, 10400
very near Pratu Nam (just a short jaunt)